Published on Sunday, 09 June 2013 00:00
Whether you’re an intern or a full-time employee, you should be able to identify with at least a few of these stereotypical work habits.
1. Office Attire
Intern: Dress to impress. Sunday-best, no less.
Employee: Whatever that does not smell like farts.
Intern: “Good morning Boss, Alan, Joe, Shi Ting, Andrew, Marrianne, Polly, Ben, Wei Wen, Hock Likh, Arabelle, Mustafa, Kumar, Fathin, Lee Hao, Govind, Ivy, Yao Yao, Sheryl, Gemima, Wayne, Sebastian, Gaurav, Faizal, Premesh! I bought cupcakes for everyone!”
Employee: “...muurrnieng.” Or mumbles something else incoherent.
3. Email From Boss
Intern: Replies within a few seconds, “Right away master! Your wish is my command!”
Employee: What email?
4. Job Responsibilities
Intern: Filing, running out to bank in cheques, running to the toilet to pass someone a roll of toilet paper, running out to get coffee and/or food, washing plates and cups in the office pantry, answering phone calls. Basically being everyone’s bitch-slave.
Employee: The complex stuff that no one will trust an intern to do.
5. Taking Notes
Intern: Actually takes down the important details presented in a meeting.
Employee: Doodles something.
6. Gets New Job Assignment
Intern: Immediately gets cracking.
Employee: Scratch ass, watch Youtube videos, does other stuff other than the assignment. Only turns it in with a half-assed effort after being chased for 2 weeks.
Intern: Anxiously opens Facebook, scrolls through timeline at the speed of light, closes it, and deletes browser history all within 10 seconds.
Employee: Facebook open on tab all day long.
Intern: Gets send out with a long list of food items from different stores to bring back to the office for everyone.
Employee: Making merry with other colleagues while waiting for intern to come back with grub.
9. All Work Assignments Completed
Intern: Bustles around generously offering assistance to everyone.
Employee: Stares at the computer screen and clicks around a lot, pretending to be still working.
10. Making Mistakes
Intern: Everyone forgives and forget.
Employee: There is going to be hell to pay.
11. Answering Handphone Calls
Intern: “Sorry I can’t talk now, I’m in the office.”
Employee: Strolls out of the office to talk on the phone for 30 minutes.
12. Office Parties
Intern: Cradles a cup of alcohol the entire night and pretends to have fun. Too scared to actually have fun.
Employee: Takes the opportunity to get back at the boss; challenges the boss and everyone else to drinking games and ends up getting shit-face drunk.
13. How To Get Through The Day
Intern: Conceals bitterness by fake smiling a lot.
Employee: Facebook, Twitter, 9gag, long lunches, multiple coffee breaks, multiple smoke breaks, continuously binging on food, yakking on the phone, etc.
14. Calling In Sick
Intern: Down with a flu.
Intern: Earnestly tries to complete work.
Employee: Gallivant around the office with colleagues, dance on tables, race around in office chairs, turn the office into a LAN gaming centre.
16. After Office Hours
Intern: Meets up with a few friends to have a couple of drinks.
Employee: Meets up with a few friends to have a couple of drinks, followed by more drinks, and more drinks. When friends leave for home, down several more drinks alone, drags drunk-ass back home. Wake up the next day with a hang-over and regretting for drinking the previous night.