Category: Career Advice
Published on Tuesday, 20 August 2013 00:00
Stuck in a dead-end job where your boss treats you like dirt but you are too afraid to quit because you fear that it will take you ages to find another job? We will help you make things better! Not by giving you advice but by simply allowing you to compare your shitty job with these shittier jobs.
1. Professional Fake Patient
Numerous medical schools hire fake patients for their students to hone their future medical skills. These fake patients are paid US$15 an hour to be groped and poked in private places where no man should ever go, if you know what I mean. A fake patient may receive up to 17 trainee doctors at the same time where they will examine your prostrate over and over again until you are sore in the ass. On the brightside, at least these fake patients can credit themselves for being partially responsible for helping to train the next generation of doctors.
2. Fake Astronaut
I reckon that the people who aspire to be astronauts but can’t really make it as real astronauts for their insufficient qualifications apply to be fake astronauts. Near the start of 2010 in Moscow, six people volunteered to have themselves locked in a mock spacecraft for 490 days. These fake astronauts are put through a space simulation to see if it was possible to travel into deep space, specifically Mars, without going stark raving mad from isolation and claustrophobia. They spent a 250 days incarcerated in the space shuttle, 30 days exploring a model of the Martian landscape, and 240 more days back in the spacecraft. That amounts to a total of 520 days of solitude. At the end of the test, they found that although the participants did not go insane, they became more reclusive.
3. Armpit Sniffer
There are countless products that need sniffing to be done before it can be released into the market. Sniffing perfumes, wine and air fresheners are all very well and may rack in US$39,000 a year. You will definitely know that you got the wrong end of the stick when you find yourself working as a professional sniffer for a deodorant company where your job would require you to smell sweaty, hairy armpits.
4. Pet Food Taster
Unfortunately, you don’t get the opportunity of having your dog earn its own keep by applying for it to be a pet food taster. Humans are tasked with this particularly nasty job. For $40,000 a year, pet food manufacturers hire humans to taste pet food for quality control. If you are a pet owner, you have most likely tried your pet’s kibble before and dry heaved at its horrid taste, but you obviously draw the line at canned food which all look like coagulated puke. These pet food tasters do not have the luxury of choosing between tasting dried or wet pet food.
5. Hazmat Diver
Hazmat divers can make up to US$150,000 a year. But for that price, you must be prepared to dive into raw sewage, contaminated ponds, vats of oil sludge, radioactive waste and paper pulp to repair pipes, recover lost objects or dead bodies.
So the next time you think about how your life is completely meaningless because your job sucks so bad, feel free to think of these people who have it worse. A mundane 9-to-6 will seem like a dream job made in heaven compared to these dirty ones.