Published on Wednesday, 22 May 2013 00:00
Big, loud and obnoxious. No, we’re not talking about that douchebag friend of yours that you still keep around for unfathomable reasons, yeah we all have that one friend. We’re talking about cicadas. Make that a whole swarm of them in the millions and the millions.
“Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send swarms of flies upon thee, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thy houses: and the houses of the Egyptians shall be full of swarms of flies, and also the ground whereon they are.” – Exodus 8:21
Brood II is the name given for one of the 15 separate broods of Magicicada that appear regularly throughout the north-eastern United States. Every 17 years, they emerge from their subterranean dens in the ground en masse to terrorize the good people of America. This year is the year that they will be here. Be prepared.
Brood II cicadas measure 4cm (1.5 in) long and are more of an annoyance than harm, they do not sting or bite. In fact, they are quite useless. Upon their emergence, they spend their short two-week lives scuttering up trees, shedding their crunchy skins and reproducing. Many unfortunate ones would probably die prematurely from being squished by shoes, vehicles and such. They can number up to a million per hectare (2.5 acres).
The soil in eastern America is reaching prime warmth for cicada-birthing, and the noisy black-bodied, crimson-eyed bugs have already started emerging in different states.
We highly recommend anyone living in the affected areas to invest in a Bug-A-Salt
. Instead of constantly swatting the horde of cicadas away and/or fleeing in horror, you and your friends can gear up and have the time of your lives just launching salt bullets at cicadas and seeing them drop in mid-flight. Lock and load boys! They’ll be arriving soon.