Ban These Books Too!

banned books
Some kids reading It Takes 3 To Tango and enjoying themselves as they learn about how adoption happens in the animal kingdom.
There's been a huge furor about three books being pulled from the National Library's catalogue because they weren't deemed "pro family". In other words, these books went into taboo territory and talked about same sex couples and or single parenthood. Apparently we have still have some people within our society who see family as the romanticized ideal of one father and one mother or a husband and wife team who raise kids to be wholesome adults. There's been repeated claims that the removed books sinisterly attempt to undermine the family unit by teaching audiences that non traditional family structures/units are normal. That parents who don't screen the books their kids read are irresponsibly allowing their innocent children to be corrupted.
I think the following books should be pulled from the NLB catalog for not being family friendly too (note: the list is intended to be satirical and therefore not taken seriously):
1. Hansel and Gretel: Hansel and Gretel have two deadbeat parents who cannot provide for their children and decide that the best thing they could do for their kids is to dump them in the forest to fend for themselves. The kids finding and eating the witch's house without abandon also sends the wrong message by telling kids that it is ok to eat unhealthy sugar loaded food. Finally the titular duo also undermine respect for your elders by stuffing an old lady in an oven to be baked and not face any repercussions for murdering someone. 
2. Norse Myths Illustrated: Loki's Gender Bending antics (hint: he shape shifts to make trouble) will corrupt kids into thinking that it's ok to change their gender identity to prank people around them ! This false idolatry of Loki will lead to kids thinking that pranksterism is cool and unleash an epidemic of troublemaking on our society! Plus Thor's hammer Mjolnir could be interpreted as a political endorsement for the Workers' Party and the NLB is supposed non-partisan!
3. Archie: Archie should be banned but not because the comic's creators have tried to normalize gay relationships by having Archie noblely take a bullet for his gay friend. Instead the comic should be banned based on the simple fact that Archie is a womanizer who keeps fooling around with multiple women. The HPB and MSF definitely would not approve of Archie who thinks that it's have multiple partners!
4. The Great Race : the story of the Chinese zodiac: The story of how the rat ended up in first place within the Chinese Zodiac is a story about how a vector of disease used deception to get it's way. This could lead to kids following the rat's example will and end up growing up to become con men who will cheat nice old aunties of their life's savings! MHA should act now to protect future generations from going down the wrong path in life!
5. The Harry Potter Series: What kind of self respecting parents would leave their only orphaned child with their abusive siblings?! And that seven book story line about magic and basically sounds way too much like an acid trip. Ban the books before kids get the idea that drugs are good and become drug addicts in a bid to escape reality and become wizards themselves.
6. Roald Dahl's Matilda: Dahl's portrayal of Matilda's boorish parents would undermine any child's love and appreciation of their parents, which is a big no no for people who treasure pro family values. Because we all know that our parents are perfect dynamic people who are infallible and would never do anything to undermine our love for them! 
7. The Emperor's New Clothes: We want our children to grow up to be sycophants who do not question authority and know their place in society! Not some bumbling fool who walks around naked because we all know that public nudity is pornography nuff said!

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