Category: Current Affairs
Published on Thursday, 17 September 2015 00:00
Written by Cheryl Teo Kai Lin
Little is being done to stop the haze. When Singapore offered help to fight the forest fires in Indonesia, the Indonesian government flat out refused and more or less called us a bunch of ungrateful children
. Why do we have to continuously put up with this nonsense that we did not beget? Why do we have to suffer at the hands of the incompetent Indonesian authorities? Enough is enough, and I say we all band together to come up with solutions to eliminate the haze from Singapore once and for all, even though they may be unorthodox as hell.
1. Containment Dome
À la The Simpsons movie. Ingenious huh? In case you live under a rock and have not seen it before, here's a short summary: Springfield becomes extremely polluted because of the residents' feckless attitude towards the environment, and U.S. President Arnold Schwarzenegger chooses to rectify the problem by placing a large glass dome over the city, containing all its pollution (and residents) within. Since the case is so similar to Indonesia's, it's definitely one to be highly considered. The people and the government can bask in the warmth of their air pollutants underneath that dome, you reap what you sow, so sow this along with your coffee beans, Indonesia.
2. Giant Fan
We don't even need to spend money in installing a giant fan to blow all that nasty haze back to its country of origin, we already have one in the form of the Singapore Flyer. Since it hardly gets much visitors these days, I say we shut it down a few hours every day, turn the speed up to high and send the haze back their way. Enjoy the nice wind Indonesia, you do not need to thank us since Indonesian Vice-President Jusuf Kalla reminded us that we never thanked Indonesia for enjoying the nice air for 11 months. Don't say we didn't return the favor.
3. Send Han Hui Hui
Han Hui Hui is one very persistent girl, her prowess is in incessantly pushing and pressurizing others to the brink of insanity. If we could convince HHH to hold off on the CPF thing and focus on current issues such as this, she might very well become the savior of our environment. Maybe the Singapore government could consider sending Triple H as our ambassador to Indonesia and start a “Return Our Clean Air” campaign on behalf of all Singaporeans. HHH could unleash her full powers in Indonesia, drive the Indonesian government almost crazy until they relent and promise us that they would ban agricultural burning if we take HHH back.
4. Get Choong Hon Heng to Boo Indonesia
HHH and Choong Hon Heng will make a good tag team campaigning in Indonesia. HHH will use her hard-selling-banshee-screaming technique while Choong Hon Heng can make incoherent comments about the haze and boo the Indonesian government to his heart's desires. If you can't convince, confuse.
Please share with us if you have any other creative ideas of getting rid of the haze. I tried to think of more but could only come up with four because my brain's all fogged up.