Published on Friday, 18 April 2014 00:00
Many young Singaporeans are into the clubbing scene nowadays, while the older crowd prefers just chilling out in pubs. We think that the latter has got it right. Technically, nightclubs are pubs with dance floors, where modern day dancing (a.k.a softcore porn) takes place in lighting so horrible that every physically impaired person is given equal opportunity to score a drunk mate. This is not a pubs vs. clubs article, this is a list of evidence why pubs triumph over clubs.
1. Dressing Up
Pubs: Most pubs are not very particular about your attire. Why should they be? You are a paying customer who simply wants to have a good time with your friends. You can come in almost anything you want; from shorts and slippers to your office attire. You don't have to rush back home from work just to change to go to a pub. And hey, if you feel like dressing up to the nines, there are very luxurious pubs that you can visit.
Clubs: Clubs have extremely strict attire regulations. You must be properly dressed, if not, all that time spent queuing up outside will be wasted when the bouncer boorishly turns you away. So you have the right sense of mind to appear outside a club looking all fly; for girls in their bodycon dresses, teetering heels, and faces caked in layers of makeup, and for boys in their tight-fitting shirts and carefully styled hair. Right, it makes perfect sense dressing up to get sweaty, especially when the oceans pour out of your armpits.
2. Stepping In
So you have just strolled into the establishment. What happens next?
Pubs: You sit down and order drinks. You and your friends engage in good conversation to awesome music softly playing in the background.
Clubs: You stand around the bar and chug over-priced alcohol. Nothing happens until everybody's intoxicated. Besides, the thumping music (if you can even call it music) is too deafening for you to chat with your friends.
Pubs: The servers refer to you as sir and madam and are usually very polite and accommodating to your requests. Even the people you meet at pubs tend to be very friendly and respectful of you and your friends.
Clubs: YOU GET NONE, SON!
4. Ambiance & Experience
There are pubs of every kind to cater to every individual's whim. Feeling extravagant and the desire to wine in glitz and glamor? Make a grand entrance at the opulent Divine Wine Bar
at Parkview Square (a.k.a the Batman building) where they have an “angel” on standby at all time who “flies” up a towering 12 meter wine rack via a pulley system to retrieve your bottle of wine. Or maybe you would just like to chill out at a nice, relaxing pub with your friends after a long hard day of work – take the lift all the way up at the Mint Museum of Toys where Mr Punch Rooftop Bar
, a secret gem of a pub awaits. Mr Punch is entirely decked out in authentic vintage advertising signs of yesteryear, and oozes nostalgia and old school charm. Perhaps you would like to hang out somewhere near home, then you can proceed to one of your warm and friendly neighborhood pubs where everyone knows everyone, and it doesn't take you long to be firmly acquainted with the staff and patrons.
Clubs: Once you have been to one nightclub, you have basically been to all. After getting past the obnoxious bouncer who alternates from frowning at your IC to staring at you right into your soul, you enter a dimly-lit space that would have been in total darkness if not for the seizure-inducing strobe lights. You will have to squelch your way through the throng of people flailing all around on the dance floor. With the help of their body sweat as lubrication through the crowd, you manage to make your way to the bar where the bartender looks you up and down disdainfully, sprays some watered down beer into a mug, and hands it to you. Oh, by the way, that's $20. Maybe a few hours and a few hundreds of dollars later, you successfully managed to get drunk on the expensive, beer-tasting water that they sold you, and then things just start to blur, fizzle out, and your brain shuts down.
5. Waking Up The Next Day
Pubs: Maybe you had a healthy amount of drinks or maybe you had too much. It doesn't really matter, what matters is that you woke up in your bed with a smile on your face, thinking about the awesome night you had with your friends. You might go to the toilet to throw up, but then you have the rest of the day to comfortably recuperate in peace.
Clubs: You wake up disorientated and feeling like death itself, with a throat so sore it seemed like a rat crawled up there and died. Amidst the earth-pounding headache, you slowly start to realize that you are lying sprawled on the floor of a toilet that is not in your house. You panic, realizing that you don't know where you are, and fumble to lift up your shirt, but you have no shirt on so you are just clawing at your own skin. You look down at your stomach and breathe a sign of relief, there is no tell-tale scars or signs that your organs were harvested. You get up and open the toilet door, and see a bunch of strangers passed out everywhere in a bedroom. You carefully try to step over them but trip over your own feet and crash into a stack of sleeping drunkards. After much cursing and apologizing, you make your way out of the bedroom into the living room where you spot your friend watching TV. Your friend explains that you got so shitfaced drunk last night along with his other friends, he had to haul the load of you back to his house to crash. You thank your thoughtful friend. And he sniggles. He kindly informs you that you have 747 notifications on Facebook, and hands you your phone. Your head starts reeling more than it previously did. Bracing yourself, you click on the notifications and a barrage of embarrassing photos and videos, with you as the protagonist, pops up – allowing you a regretful glimpse into the horrors of last evening's events after your mind went blank. Oh look, The Real Singapore, SMRT LTD (Feedback) and Stomp also shared a couple of the videos featuring you streaking around outside the club and humping everything in sight while the drunkards you saw in the room cheered you on. Realizing your life is over, you despondently sink to the floor and wish for the ground to swallow you up. There is no nicer way to say this, but you are royally screwed.