Published on Thursday, 02 April 2015 00:00
It is not nice to criticize and mock others, unless that peron in question is Justin Bieber, then you may proceed to unleash all hell and its demons upon him. For years, this insufferable brat has been relentlessly committing the douchiest acts possible like cutting Disneyland queues by pretending to be wheelchair-bound, repeatedly using the N word, drag-racing his Lamborghini while under the infuence of drugs and alcohol, public urination, spitting on his fans and etc, etc, etc. So the happiest thing that could happen to anyone involving this bag of douche is if he got thoroughly burned on stage by famous celebrities in Hollywood. Justin Bieber got roasted on Comedy Central, and in case you missed it, here are the 15 best jokes from that night.
1. “Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she's dating men now. Is it true you drumped her because she grew a moustache before you?” - Jeff Ross
2. “You are the King Joffrey of Pop.” - Jeff Ross
3. “I know you'll never end up like Kurt Cobain or Amy Winehouse... respected.” - Jeff Ross
4. “Seth Rogen thinks you're a conceited piece of shit, and he hangs out with James Franco.” - Jeff Ross
5. “Kendall Jenner, if you and Justin Bieber get married, who is going to give you away? The only man in the family is Khloe Kardashian.” - Jeff Ross
6. “Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you -- and those are just lesbians showing their barber how they want their hair cut.” - Jeff Ross
7. “He may have turned 21, but Justin will always be a baby to me. Since babies urinate everywhere and never know when to shut up.” - Ludacris
8. “Last year, you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-un didn't rank that low. And he uses your music to torture people.” - Shaquille O'Neal
9. “Justin got a tattoo of Jesus on his calf. Why you gotta bring Jesus into your mess? That man has suffered enough.” - Shaquille O'Neal
10. “Bieber has 10 million fans – most are in middle schools, or standing at least 500 feet away from one.” - Kevin Hart
11. “Selena Gomez coulnd't be here tonight. Just because she didn't want to be here.” - Kevin Hart
12. “You have it all, except for respect, love, friends, and a grammy.” - Chris D'Elia
13. “This kid has spunk, moxie, and probably a few other STDs.” - Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy
14. “He's a man. A full-grown man who works and loves and makes things with his hands. A man who sings songs for 9-year-olds and cuts his hair like a gay figure skater.” - Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy
15. “Actually you should thank me for participating in this extremely transparent attempt to be more likeable in the public eye. And, I hope it doesn’t work.” - Hannibal Buress
After being roasted alive for 2 hours on TV, Justin Bieber tried to save what little of his dignity remained with a joke that someone else was probably paid to write for him.
“What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million,” Justin Bieber asked rhetorically. “A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.”
Har de har har.
However, in a twist to end this wonderfully productive event, Justin Bieber stared directly into the camera and made an apology for basically being Justin Bieber.
“There was really no preparing me for this life. I was thrown into this at 12 years old. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. There were moments I am proud of. And there are moments I am disappointed with myself for. But the things I have done don't define who I am. I am a kind-hearted person who loves people. And through it all, I have lost some of my best qualities. For that, I'm sorry. I am looking forward to being someone you can all be proud of. Someone close to me once said, 'It's how you rise from a fall that truly defines you as a man.' I'm excited for that challenge. And I want to say thank you for taking this journey with me.”
Do you think his apology was sincere or a desperate attempt to stay relevant and favorable to the public? Share this article with your friends and let them have a good laugh too.