Published on Monday, 04 August 2014 00:00
If you think it is incredibly exasperating how much of a computer noob your parents are, wait till you check out these excerpts from computer illiterate people who called tech support for help. What ensues is mind-boggling hilarity.
Tech Support: Click on the “My Computer” icon on to the left of the screen.
Caller: Your left or mine?
Caller: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?
Caller: A white one…
Tech Support: Good day. How may I help you?
Caller: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech Support: Would you click on “Start” for me and –
Caller: Listen pal, don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.
Caller: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says, “Can’t find printer”. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
Caller: I have problems printing in red…
Tech Support: Do you have a color printer?
Caller: Aaaah……… thank you.
Tech Support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Caller: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me.
Caller: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Caller: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Caller: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah… that one does work…
Tech Support: Your password is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter “V” as in Victor, the number 7.
Caller: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Caller: Can’t get on the staff email.
Tech Support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Caller: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Caller: Five stars.
Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech Support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Caller: Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer.
Caller: Hi, this is Maureen. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Caller: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech Support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Caller: No, wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry…
Tech Support: How may I help you?
Caller: I’m writing my first email.
Tech Support: Ok, and what seems to be the problem?
Caller: Well, I have the letter “a” in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman calls the Canon help desk regarding a problem she has with her printer.
Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?
Caller: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.
Tech Support: Ok Colin, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.
Caller: I don’t have a “P”.
Tech Support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Caller: What do you mean?
Tech Support: “P”… on your keyboard, Colin.
Caller: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT.
I have a new found respect for these tech support people. They must have trained to be one of the most patient people on Earth, maybe even enough to give Shaolin monks a run for their money.