Published on Friday, 05 April 2013 00:00
Ever since the dawn of social media, people have been taking to it and developing their own online personalities derived from who they really are, online influences, or how they want to be perceived. You’ve probably encountered many of the annoying ones who post exceptionally retarded comments that make you feel sorry for how the human race is turning out, or maybe you’re the one guilty of evolving backwards.
The following are the top 5 most obnoxious of the obnoxious in no particular order.
1. The Fighter
Probably the douche bag with roid-rage who played football in an American high school, flunked out of college, and is currently working at McDonalds’ flipping burger patties. He’s a strain of paramecium in the real world now as compared to the terror he was in high school to skinny nerds. Therefore he takes his bullying to the cyber world.
In Singapore terms, he’s the Ah Beng who got expelled from secondary school and is working at a handphone shop trying to make ends meet. A ghost of what he once was, he takes to the internet to threaten anyone who displeases him with talks about how fierce his gang is.
American Version: “My bulging muscles are not a product of steroids! Come down to Ohio and say that to my face, you f**king bitch! I will show you how real my muscles are!”
Singaporean Version: “Nabei how dare you try to add limbei’s girlfriend on facebook? Pwease hor, let limbei wong you hor, limbei know where your school is. You try be funny again, limbei and limbei eh brothers from 183 Chee Cheong Fan will come down wait outside your school and give you jialat jialat ok.”
Stop all that bullshit. It is not scaring anyone.
2. The Attention Seeking Whore
People who are insecure about certain attributes they have, and posts comments about their supposed negative views of themselves so that they can get a reaction from others. Yes, because everyone wants to hear them whine and complain about superficial things, and then comfort them about it. They live off getting reassurances and praises from other people.
“A lot of the boys in my school have a crush on me, though I can’t understand why. Look at me; I’m so fat and ugly. I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror. :(”
And here, it is of a very high possibility that this person will upload a photo of herself with tons of makeup on, posing and pouting at the camera.
Stop all that bullshit. Anyone with a brain knows that you are fishing for compliments.
3. The Missionary
The one who would like to think that he is saving souls by forcing his religious beliefs on everyone in his facebook or twitter.
“Hey! Have you heard about the one and only saviour, _____ ______?”
And so on and so forth, with religious phrases used while preaching about the good word.
Stop all that bullshit. Let people believe in what they want to believe.
4. The Deep One
Hipsters or their followers who post pictures of beautiful sceneries with “deep” and “thought-provoking” phrases typed over them, which unbeknownst to them, end up sounding really stupid. They feverishly endeavour to be philosophical and knowledgeable about life. This species is especially abundant in Tumblr.
Refer to the picture just directly above.
“Breathe in the ocean.”
Really dude? The last time anyone did, they drowned.
Stop all that bullshit. And maybe go breathe in the ocean yourself.
5. The Holier-Than-Thou Person a.k.a The Self-Righteous One
The ones full of self-righteousness that nitpick on inappropriate words you use or type out an entire 1,000 word essay in a comment calmly and very boringly expressing their disapproval toward some aspect or other. They believe that they have achieved a sense of enlightenment about the world and they are doing you a favour by lecturing you about it.
“While I loved reading your article, I do not approve of you using the word ‘retarded’ to refer to anything or anyone in particular. Individuals with Down syndrome are struggling so hard to integrate into our society; the least you could do is support them by not using the term ‘retarded’. I feel that it is a derogatory word that originated from these poor, innocent people. How do you think parents and caretakers of these poor souls will feel if they read your article and saw that you used the word ‘retarded’ to refer to something that you feel is not entirely clever? Down syndrome individuals can be very creative and smart, therefore I believe that the word is just wrong and should never be used. I beseech you to think of their feelings and use words like silly, senseless, naive, or foolish instead of ‘retarded’. On top of that, you should not use words like defective, moronic, lamebrained...”
And blah blah bloody blah.
Stop all that bullshit. No one cares.
In conclusion, for the sake of mankind and humanity, please, stop all these bullshit.