Published on Saturday, 27 April 2013 00:00
A porn addict from China admitted himself into a hospital in Guangdong province telling medics: “Please, please help me. The eel is moving through my body.”
The man shoved a 20-inch long Asian swamp eel up his butt after seeing it done in a porn movie. I am guessing that he is a huge fan of weird Japanese porn.
The eel reportedly chewed through the man’s colon in its desperate attempt to escape, perforating the man’s large intestine and getting stuck in his body cavity.
“The eel was simply trying to find its way out,” a person from the medical team explained.
The removal of the poor, confused eel took all night with the help of drugs and medical probes, and its ass-cruciatingly shitty ordeal finally came to an end in the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately for the 0.5kg eel, it died shortly after it had been extracted from the man’s body.
The same medical assistant was quoted as saying “It was still alive when we got it out but it died soon afterwards, which was probably a mercy. This was a particularly idiotic stunt and could have caused him a serious injury. Eels have small but very sharp teeth.”
“We are aware of what happened and a 39-year-old man will be interviewed over alleged animal cruelty,” a police spokesman commented on the situation.
Let us all bow our heads and observe a moment of silence for the departed eel that died a crappy death.