Published on Friday, 24 May 2013 00:00
Humanity can’t possibly get any worse than it is what with paedophiles raping babies, mothers forcing their teenagers to get pregnant, and crazed terrorists blowing up marathons for no rhyme or reason. Or at least that’s what we all think, as implausible as it may sound; the emergence of one particular man has made me believe that the human race has sunk to a new low.
This could possibly be a hint at how the mental state of humans is at a sharp decline. Well at least for some people anyway.
A brony (bro who is a fan of My Little Pony) is claiming to be the fiancé of purple pony Twilight Sparkle. His intense infatuation with the fictional character from My Little Pony has led him to believe that the Twilight Sparkle plush that he carries around everywhere is able to interact with him.
Twilight Sparkle is not real. She’s not even the same species as him. But at least she’s the right gender (sarcasm, not intended to be homophobic).
What led to the discovery of this bizarre engagement was when the brony contacted Kevinsano, a Deviant Art user, requesting that he stop drawing sexual pictures of his imaginary pony bride. The demand was made in a letter that was fully published on the Internet.
In his letter, the brony insisted that Kevinsano and his other artist friends refrain from drawing suggestive pictures of his “Twiley”, and he mentioned that he’s cool with them drawing explicit pictures of other ponies instead.
Twilight Sparkle's "fiancé" said that he has already found a wedding chapel that will allow him to get married with what “most people would consider a fictional character.”
I know how much this sounds like a really elaborate prank or a convoluted ruse to gain internet stardom, but really, who the hell is able to come up with shit like this?
“You see, I’m totally head over heels in love with Twilight Sparkle. I have been for about 11 months now and at this point I’m in a committed relationship with my Twiley. By that I mean I don’t date anyone else, I don’t sleep with anyone else, and I have zero interest in having any kind of relationship with anyone other than the mare I adore. I love her with all my heart and I’m 100% committed to that love. To express my love in a real tangible way I have a beautiful hand made custom Twilight Sparkle plushie that I can hug, kiss, cuddle up in bed to go to sleep with at night, and take out on the town to do all the fun things together that normal couples do. I take her out to eat at nice vegetarian restaurants, we go shopping together, I take her out for coffee, we do social activities together like hanging out with friends, seeing movies, etc.”
I wonder if he has brought his “Twiley” to meet his parents shortly after they got engaged.
“All my friends and people who know me well say that my love is a thing of beauty and quite admirable.”
These advocates of some twisted pony-plush-horse love have a very high chance of being imaginary too, like his bride.
In the lengthy letter that he wrote, the crazed purple pony lover felt that it was imperative for Kevinsano to know that he is not insinuating that Twilight Sparkle is cheating on him, he’s just defending her honour.
“Don’t get me wrong here though, this isn’t a jealousy thing. I’m very secure in my relationship. I know without questions that Twilight is just as faithful to me as I am to her, she’s actually sitting on the couch next to me reading while I type this. She’s very real to me and I know she’s not sneaking out in the middle of the night to go have kinky sex with some famous artist. And I do respect your talent as an artist and an artist’s creative free to draw whatever they want, that’s cool. What bothers me is that in all these birthday images you’ve been getting Twilight is always depicted as if she was your sexual plaything, drawn wearing a collar with your name on it or with a speech bubble saying something that would somehow suggest she was your sexual plaything, drawn wearing a collar with your name on it or with a speech bubble saying something that would somehow suggest she was your property. And I know quite well that Twilight Sparkle is not your plaything nor your property, she’s my fiancé. So that bugs me a bit.”
Moving on from the angry letter he penned, in other messages that he wrote either in reply to curious people wanting to know more about the relationship or him just simply writing up about his day with his damn plushie, he claims that they do multiple things together as a couple... including sex.
“There is something incredibly erotic about watching a Twilight centered episode of MLP while having sex with Twilight herself. Which I just did. ”
Erm... ok bro.