Category: Weird Articles
Published on Tuesday, 28 October 2014 00:00
During the Middle ages, people blamed almost everything on demons. Demons were everywhere and were thought to cause many things from the insignificant to the terrible, from hoarse speaking voices to public nudity. Demons were once considered an omnipresent force and a viable culprit for all ill-favored aspects of human nature.
Medieval demonologists took to writing entire encyclopedias of their studies and findings on demons, including, The Lesser Key of Solomon, Compendium Maleficarum, Admirable History and Pseudomonarchia Daemonum. The encyclopedias were dedicated to the classification of demons and their contributions to mortal affectations. In modern times, people have learned to assume responsibility for their actions rather than blaming it on demons as our counterparts in the medieval ages once have. However if sometimes you feel that your responsibilities are too much to bear, and you would like to blame someone for it, blame it on the demons. Here is a handy list of demons responsible for various maladies to befall humans that you can keep bookmarked on your phone/computer in case you need any emergency blaming.
10. Ardad – The Demon Who Leads Travelers Astray
Have you ever had trouble finding your destination, hotel, car keys, family members, the next exit from the highway and other stuff? If so, you probably had a run in or two with Ardad, the demon who leads travelers astray. Ardad is not that powerful nor malevolent of a demon though. His only job is seducing mortals to take a different path. So next time you get scolded for getting lost as a result of being adamant on not asking for directions and choosing to follow your gut, push all the blame on Ardad instead.
9. Agares – Earthquakes, Foul Language and Destroying Dignity
If you have let out an involuntary cry of expletives at an inappropriate occasion, like say when you stubbed your toe against a furniture while visiting your in-laws during Christmas and everyone just falls silent while staring daggers at you, you can always tell them that you are battling the demon Agares, and everything will be alright! The religious ones will probably forgive you while complimenting you on your courage at not allowing the demon to take over you completely. Agares is a grand duke of Hell and presides over 31 legions of demons. He particularly enjoys destroying dignities, teaching foul language, and makes those who run stand still. Agares can also cause earthquakes.
8. Astaroth – Vanity, Laziness and Rationalization
We all know what we really are on the inside, and other people can see it too. If you have been accused of being lazy and vain while giving excuses for being lazy and vain, it is not really your fault, it is the evil doings of the demon Astaroth who provokes laziness, vanity and rationalization. Astaroth, does however, giver power over serpents, so if you are a huge Harry Potter fan who have always dreamed of speaking in Parseltongue, you might be trilled to be infected by Astaroth. But if you want to be rid of Astaroth's influence, the best remedy is to pray to St. Bartholomew, his arch nemesis, who will help you overcome Astaroth's temptations.
7. Ose – Insanity and Divine Secrets
Ose is a great president of Hell and rules over three legions of demons. If you are afflicted with this demon's curse, you probably won't know it, as most of the time, the crazy don't know that they are crazy. Ose brings insanity to a mortal and makes him/her truly believe that he/she is another creature or object. Ose is not all that bad though, as he also makes men wise in all liberal sciences and gives true answers concerning divine and secret things. So Albert Einstein's theory of special relativity, E = mc2, was put into Einstein's head by Ose. Now if only Ose would tell us the meaning of life.
6. Sitri – Males people reveal themselves naked
Sitri is a dirty demon who makes men and women reveal themselves naked. There are countless videos proving his influence and existence, which is also known as porn. He is there plaguing every inebriated girl's mind causing them to have embarrassing one night stands. It is comforting to know that you can blame someone else other than yourself for your promiscuity and poor life choices. He is a great prince of Hell and reigns over 60 legions of demons. A good remedy for Sitri's possession is leaving the house wearing layers upon layers of clothing and abstaining from alcohol. If you still have a problem keeping your clothes on, you might want to consider getting a chastity belt and throwing the key into a river.
5. Pruflas – Discord, Quarrels and Falsehood
You and your partner are always getting into fights every 10 minutes or so over the smallest things, so much that everyone else around you is telling you to just end the relationship. But you just can't bear to break things off with him/her because you love him/her way too much to bring yourself to do it even though you sometimes think of committing homicide. You guys discuss and agree to see a relationship counselor, but that is not the answer to your problems, the truth is, the two of you need a good old fashion exorcism. Call in a priest as your relationship is actually being tormented by Pruflas. Pruflas is a duke of Hell with 26 legions under his hand. He promotes discord, quarrels and falsehood. The disagreements, infidelities and lies in your relationship is all because of Pruflas.
4. Beezelbub – Gluttony
It is simple to tell if Beezelbub has taken control of your body. If you are the kind that goes to a buffet and takes so much food back to the table enough to feed a third world country, your body is definitely hosting Beezelbub. Beezelbub is a high ranking demon, he is one of the three most prominent and powerful of the fallen angels, next to Satan and Leviathan. The fact that he took the time our of his busy evil schedule and chose to invade your body to make you consume a whole bucket of KFC chicken and a huge tub of whipped potato says that you are worth it, you should be flattered.
3. Asmodeus – Demon of Lust
Your partner has left you in the company of his/her best friend in the club as your darling had to have an early night's rest to wake up for a meeting the next morning. His/her best friend's lips is starting to look pretty damn tempting as you knock back a couple of shots with him/her. Your eyes rove all over his/her body and you discover an aching desire stirring in your loins. Before you know it, you find yourself panting and bouncing around in bed with him/her. The next morning, you wake up feeling pretty satisfied but guilty as hell. Well stop kicking yourself up over your betrayal, you are not the only one to blame here. If anything, it's the work of a demon, specifically Asmodeus, the demon of lust. He lays the bait, and if you take the bait, you will spend an eternity banished to the second level of hell.
2. Verrine – Impatience
Almost everyone you know is inflicted with Verrine's demonic presence of impatience. Verrine is a prince of thrones, and is listed in the first hierarchy of demons, which is probably why his influence spreads so far and wide. You can sense him especially during traffic jams and in crowded shopping centers. Praying to St Dominic may help you rid this Demon; of course it would probably help if everyone around you didn't behave like such an idiot.
1. Lucifer – All That is Evil
Lucifer needs no introduction. As far as the seven deadly sins are concerned, Lucifer is responsible for pride in mortals. It was because of Lucifer's own pride, thinking that he can rule Heaven better than God which caused his downfall. Lucifer was ranked highest of the angels and seated on the right side of God's throne, but that was not enough for him though. When God left his seat (perhaps for a toilet break), Lucifer seated himself on the heavenly throne. This brazen display of Lucifer's pride and insolence started a war among the angels, and when Michael finally defeated Lucifer. Lucifer was banished from Heaven and cast down to Earth with a new nickname, Satan. The angels that followed him in the hall became the demons currently causing all the afflictions of human nature with Lucifer as the reigning King. Mere mortals such as yourself need not worry too much about being possessed by Lucifer though as the King of Hell targets more prominent figures to be victims of his corruption. Historically his presence has been seen in the prideful tyrannical rulers of Rome, but some could make arguments that his charisma is making a resurgence in more recent world leaders.